Like really depressed, can't sleep, not hungry, feel like I'm in a bubble, depressed.
Can you get postpartum 3 years after birth. It would probably be more like post-postpartum. Or perhaps it's prepartum? Wondering if there is such a thing as pregnancy depression. I'm sure there is, and will probably ask Dr Google about it after I get done vomiting all over this post.
It seems like there are so many things I want to talk about but when pen hits paper, or fingers to keys, nothing seems to come out. I can't write about anything. I have fun posts that I probably should have posted but I just don't. I tend to sit on my couch, wrapped in my blanky and stare off into the distance only to come back to reality to take care of Adam's basic needs then seem to blank back into that void.
Yesterday Hubby and I got into a fight. Not sure what started it but I do know that whatever it was, the fight wasn't what caused it. There has been a lack of communication around here lately, most of it I'm sure is my doing. It seems so much easier to shut down and not think/talk about these emotions. I see quiet a few people who are roughly as pregnant as me loving pregnant life. I don't really have that right now. I am excited to find out about baby's sex next week but am not really wanting to be pregnant for another 5 months. Not really looking forward to those first few months of no sleep, of not being able to communicate with my child. I've gotten so used to being able to talk to Adam. Of him being able to tell me what's wrong (mostly) and what seems to be the ease of a toddler. What's going to happen when that isn't there? Will I be able to deal with a screaming baby and a 3 year old that is so used to being the center of mommy's universe? How will he deal with sharing mommy? I think I am more scared this pregnancy than the last. You would think that it would be the other way around, perhaps that's why I feel guilty and tear up just thinking about it. Then I start to think about what that is doing to the baby growing inside of me and feel even more guilty. It's a never ending shame spiral.
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, there are some
***** Updated part: I was just coming back to add that I already feel a little lighter since posting this. I have tried writing about it in the past few weeks but never had the courage to hit publish. When we talked yesterday Hubby said maybe I needed to talk to someone about it. Of course he was right, (I think he meant a professional) but even just putting it out there helps. I am planning on talking to my doctor this week when we go in for the ultrasound. I know that I am not alone in my feelings and that there are people who understand how I'm feeling. Which totally helps. :) *******
