who knew how cathartic writing can be. I know everyone always says it and I have known its "magical" powers before but sometimes its nice to just let it all out. it's like as soon as you do a weight is lifted off your shoulders. whether you share it by actually posting it on your blog or keep it to yourself by writing on a piece of paper that you end up throwing away. letting go of what you're keeping inside is amazing. i know its not healthy to keep it bottled up but sometimes it seems harder to admit it. even to yourself.
i feel so much better today and the dark cloud has dimmed. i am actually looking forward to adam's party this weekend. I don't think i could have said that yesterday.
now i just have to remember to let it all out sooner rather than bottling it up for so long. :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
feel like crying
today has been a bad day. from the start.
i just want to curl up on my bed with my blanky and go to bed.
it seems like life is just piling it on today. just when i think that i can make it work something else goes wrong.
i can't seem to get a grip on things today.
it feels like there's a bubble i can't get out of. i feel trapped in my life.
i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel today.
its like some one turned it out while i was sleeping and i can't find the switch.
hopefully i can go to bed tonight and tomorrow the switch will be within my reach.
my son deserves better than this.
my daughter deserves better than this.
I deserve better than this.
i just want to curl up on my bed with my blanky and go to bed.
it seems like life is just piling it on today. just when i think that i can make it work something else goes wrong.
i can't seem to get a grip on things today.
it feels like there's a bubble i can't get out of. i feel trapped in my life.
i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel today.
its like some one turned it out while i was sleeping and i can't find the switch.
hopefully i can go to bed tonight and tomorrow the switch will be within my reach.
my son deserves better than this.
my daughter deserves better than this.
I deserve better than this.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2011 To-Do List
My "friend" over at Sluiter Nation does a top ten tuesday every week and while I've never actually participated I thought today's list was a good one. 2011 To-Do list. She said (and I agree wholeheartedly) that she doesn't like resolutions because they make her feel as if something needed to be fixed. Since I don't really need to "fix" anything, like stop smoking or what have you, I haven't really made any resolutions but there are some things that I would like to accomplish this year. So this is a perfect idea for me :)
(this isn't really in an order, just as they popped into my head)
1) Spend more time with friends. This one I did think of on New Year's Eve and did call my "resolution". It is all to easy to get caught up in every day life to let friends fall to the bottom of the list. I really would like to see all my wonderful friends more often and hope to make this happen. I realize with a second child on the way this will be a hard one to maintain but even if I can spend one night out a month with a friend(or group of friends) I will consider this a success.
2) Take a vacation alone with my husband. It could be an over-nighter, a weekender or something longer but I really would like some one on one time with him. We never took a honeymoon since Adam was only 4 months old, we stayed at the Anniversary Inn and had a great night but no exotic vacation for us. Even if we repeated that it would be great. Of course, an exotic vacay would be amazing also.
3) Take a family vacation. I wanted to do this last year as well but wasn't able to make it work. While I did get to take Adam to Canada with my mom, we didn't get to travel as the three of us (or four depending on when said vacation occurs). Would love a trip to the Coast or even to a camping trip. Something just us where we can escape the everyday and make some memories.
4) Get a new car. The hubby would say that this should be Numero Uno but I think its become a necessity. My little 10+ year sedan is being outgrown. Especially on those days when I watch my nephews. Picture this- Adam's big boy car seat, Jocelyn's baby car seat, my nephew Grant's baby car seat, and my 6, 8 and 9 year old nephews. Oh plus me driving. Not happening in our little Saturn. Am would love to keep it as a second car that we've been without for about 4 years now, but we may have to trade it in. We will see.
5) Finish my schooling. I haven't done any work in a while and I kick myself for it. I need to get back into it and get going on a career. I love being a SATM but that will only last for another few years and once the kiddos are in school ,I know I will be bored with nothing to do. Need to work on that.
6) Be more appreciative for what I have. Its so easy to get caught up in things that we don't have or compare ourselves to others. I want to be more aware and thankful for everything that I do have. Which is a lot. I have a FABULOUS hubby who works hard to support us (emotionally and financially), an amazing little boy who fills my days with laughter, a little girl on the way, great family who live close enough to see on a weekly basis. A roof over our head and food in our bellies. So much to be thankful for, need to stop thinking of what we don't have, and often don't really need.
7) Follow through on my projects. I have so many projects and ideas of things I would love to do. I need to finish what I start and express myself through these creative outlets.
8) Save More. I would like to be able to put more money into savings. To have a little cushion should the need/emergency arise. I guess this should be titled, Spend Less. LOL. I have gotten a TON better about useless spending in the last few years but sometimes its still there. Yes I buy things that we can use, or will use but do we need them? Not necessarily. Sometimes it's fun to spurge on the nice things though. Better work on keeping it in check though :)
9) Potty-Train Adam. Obviously this one should be easy to complete seeing as he's about to be 3 and "they" say sometime between 2-4. But I put it on the list because I don't really have the motivation in me to do the potty training thing. It's easier to change the diaper every few hours then to remember to ask if he has to go potty. Than to ask every hour or so if he needs to go. I realize it needs to be done and that will a new baby I will be thankful once it's done but right now I am ok with changing his diapers still. Its as if this is the last thing keeping him from being a true Big Boy. *sniff, tear*
10) Update the blog/keep family in photos and stories. I am not the best blogger or emailer when it comes to stories of Adam. I will upload photos or post little stories of Adam on the Facebook daily but when it comes other forms of internet I am lacking. Especially when compared to my SIL Selena (hehehe). She is amazing at keeping the blog update with little stories of Natalia or videos of her cuteness. She sends out photos to great-grandparents and relatives not in the state. I know I won't ever be able to make the cute frames and I'm ok with that. But I do need to atleast take yearly photos and mail them out. I need to make sure that those who love him but are far away still get to "see him".
What's on your To-Do list?
(this isn't really in an order, just as they popped into my head)
1) Spend more time with friends. This one I did think of on New Year's Eve and did call my "resolution". It is all to easy to get caught up in every day life to let friends fall to the bottom of the list. I really would like to see all my wonderful friends more often and hope to make this happen. I realize with a second child on the way this will be a hard one to maintain but even if I can spend one night out a month with a friend(or group of friends) I will consider this a success.
2) Take a vacation alone with my husband. It could be an over-nighter, a weekender or something longer but I really would like some one on one time with him. We never took a honeymoon since Adam was only 4 months old, we stayed at the Anniversary Inn and had a great night but no exotic vacation for us. Even if we repeated that it would be great. Of course, an exotic vacay would be amazing also.
3) Take a family vacation. I wanted to do this last year as well but wasn't able to make it work. While I did get to take Adam to Canada with my mom, we didn't get to travel as the three of us (or four depending on when said vacation occurs). Would love a trip to the Coast or even to a camping trip. Something just us where we can escape the everyday and make some memories.
4) Get a new car. The hubby would say that this should be Numero Uno but I think its become a necessity. My little 10+ year sedan is being outgrown. Especially on those days when I watch my nephews. Picture this- Adam's big boy car seat, Jocelyn's baby car seat, my nephew Grant's baby car seat, and my 6, 8 and 9 year old nephews. Oh plus me driving. Not happening in our little Saturn. Am would love to keep it as a second car that we've been without for about 4 years now, but we may have to trade it in. We will see.
5) Finish my schooling. I haven't done any work in a while and I kick myself for it. I need to get back into it and get going on a career. I love being a SATM but that will only last for another few years and once the kiddos are in school ,I know I will be bored with nothing to do. Need to work on that.
6) Be more appreciative for what I have. Its so easy to get caught up in things that we don't have or compare ourselves to others. I want to be more aware and thankful for everything that I do have. Which is a lot. I have a FABULOUS hubby who works hard to support us (emotionally and financially), an amazing little boy who fills my days with laughter, a little girl on the way, great family who live close enough to see on a weekly basis. A roof over our head and food in our bellies. So much to be thankful for, need to stop thinking of what we don't have, and often don't really need.
7) Follow through on my projects. I have so many projects and ideas of things I would love to do. I need to finish what I start and express myself through these creative outlets.
8) Save More. I would like to be able to put more money into savings. To have a little cushion should the need/emergency arise. I guess this should be titled, Spend Less. LOL. I have gotten a TON better about useless spending in the last few years but sometimes its still there. Yes I buy things that we can use, or will use but do we need them? Not necessarily. Sometimes it's fun to spurge on the nice things though. Better work on keeping it in check though :)
9) Potty-Train Adam. Obviously this one should be easy to complete seeing as he's about to be 3 and "they" say sometime between 2-4. But I put it on the list because I don't really have the motivation in me to do the potty training thing. It's easier to change the diaper every few hours then to remember to ask if he has to go potty. Than to ask every hour or so if he needs to go. I realize it needs to be done and that will a new baby I will be thankful once it's done but right now I am ok with changing his diapers still. Its as if this is the last thing keeping him from being a true Big Boy. *sniff, tear*
10) Update the blog/keep family in photos and stories. I am not the best blogger or emailer when it comes to stories of Adam. I will upload photos or post little stories of Adam on the Facebook daily but when it comes other forms of internet I am lacking. Especially when compared to my SIL Selena (hehehe). She is amazing at keeping the blog update with little stories of Natalia or videos of her cuteness. She sends out photos to great-grandparents and relatives not in the state. I know I won't ever be able to make the cute frames and I'm ok with that. But I do need to atleast take yearly photos and mail them out. I need to make sure that those who love him but are far away still get to "see him".
What's on your To-Do list?
Monday, January 3, 2011
Meal Planning Mondays
Now that the holidays are over and everything is settling back down, time to start back up with the meal planning.
Monday- Finger Steaks and side salad
Tuesday- Orange Chicken with fried rice and steamed veggies
Wednesday- Hockey game with friends. eat out
Thursday- White Enchiladas with ground turkey
Friday- Scallop and Shrimp Scampi
Saturday- Cheeseburgers and sweet potato fries
Sunday- Steak Fajitas with sauteed veggies
Monday- Finger Steaks and side salad
Tuesday- Orange Chicken with fried rice and steamed veggies
Wednesday- Hockey game with friends. eat out
Thursday- White Enchiladas with ground turkey
Friday- Scallop and Shrimp Scampi
Saturday- Cheeseburgers and sweet potato fries
Sunday- Steak Fajitas with sauteed veggies
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