Like really depressed, can't sleep, not hungry, feel like I'm in a bubble, depressed.
Can you get postpartum 3 years after birth. It would probably be more like post-postpartum. Or perhaps it's prepartum? Wondering if there is such a thing as pregnancy depression. I'm sure there is, and will probably ask Dr Google about it after I get done vomiting all over this post.
It seems like there are so many things I want to talk about but when pen hits paper, or fingers to keys, nothing seems to come out. I can't write about anything. I have fun posts that I probably should have posted but I just don't. I tend to sit on my couch, wrapped in my blanky and stare off into the distance only to come back to reality to take care of Adam's basic needs then seem to blank back into that void.
Yesterday Hubby and I got into a fight. Not sure what started it but I do know that whatever it was, the fight wasn't what caused it. There has been a lack of communication around here lately, most of it I'm sure is my doing. It seems so much easier to shut down and not think/talk about these emotions. I see quiet a few people who are roughly as pregnant as me loving pregnant life. I don't really have that right now. I am excited to find out about baby's sex next week but am not really wanting to be pregnant for another 5 months. Not really looking forward to those first few months of no sleep, of not being able to communicate with my child. I've gotten so used to being able to talk to Adam. Of him being able to tell me what's wrong (mostly) and what seems to be the ease of a toddler. What's going to happen when that isn't there? Will I be able to deal with a screaming baby and a 3 year old that is so used to being the center of mommy's universe? How will he deal with sharing mommy? I think I am more scared this pregnancy than the last. You would think that it would be the other way around, perhaps that's why I feel guilty and tear up just thinking about it. Then I start to think about what that is doing to the baby growing inside of me and feel even more guilty. It's a never ending shame spiral.
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, there are some
***** Updated part: I was just coming back to add that I already feel a little lighter since posting this. I have tried writing about it in the past few weeks but never had the courage to hit publish. When we talked yesterday Hubby said maybe I needed to talk to someone about it. Of course he was right, (I think he meant a professional) but even just putting it out there helps. I am planning on talking to my doctor this week when we go in for the ultrasound. I know that I am not alone in my feelings and that there are people who understand how I'm feeling. Which totally helps. :) *******
3 comments:
Oh Alison! I know how you feel. It's called peripartum depression and I had it at first with both of my pregnancies! Thankfully, it got better as my body adjusted to the pregnancy hormones, but I definitely get it more while pregnant than I do after pregnancy. I did the same thing you did- neglecting my kids and feeling no motivation and fighting with Cameron. And feeling guilty for not being more happy about being pregnant. It sucks.
You should definitely talk to your doctor about it- I know it can be embarrassing, but it is your health and they can help. It's a lot more common than you think. And when it comes to how you will manage two- you'll figure it out. If I can do it, you definitely can! And to be honest, the main reason it is scarier the second time around is because you truly know how demanding parenting is- but I promise it's easier the second time. When we took Sunshine home, we were amazed at how... uncomplicated it was.
Call me if you ever need to talk- 206-819-1070. Love ya!
Oh I'm glad you are going to talk to someone about it, and that you feel better just sharing it on here. With Apollo, I joined a mom's group and I seriously think it is what kept me sane some days- having other women to talk to. Just saying how you feel out loud can be so cathartic. Love ya!
Oh sad face. You can always come chat with me. I went through ppd big time, so although I didn't experience it before hand like you... I still had the depression. If it ever comes to wanting to talk to a professional, I know some great ones. ;) You are a great mommy and I know you will figure two out with ease.
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