A New Hope. Yes I didn just make a Star Wars reference. I'm just that cool.

I've been avoiding this place for a while now. Wandering in out of boredom occasionally, trying to find a way to put down the words rattling around in my brain. I begin a half hearted story about life, only to hit the delete key 2 minutes later. Some how it just seems contrived, the bubbliness I'm trying to convey a lie. So the space sits empty, a whole period of our lives undocumented. The pumpkin patch, Halloween, her 6 month photos, his swim lesson update, my birthday, honoring of a great man, generosity of spirit, the birth of my two (yes, not one birth but both births) beautiful nieces. None of it got it's fair share. Nothing preserved because of a fog in me. It hasn't always been foggy, this past 3 months. There have been plenty of great days but the motivation to write as been lacking.   So I guess in a way it's more of a haze than a fog. Thin enough to see through but just slightly muddled. Just enough of a blur to stop me from living in the moment. Constantly feeling this thin barrier between everyone. I know why, what's causing this haze. I try to remind myself tricks to help be present in the moment, to enjoy it, but having to constantly think about making that effort is tiring. So that, combined with the little sleep I've been getting has been too much.  Something had to take a back seat. And this little piece of the internet, a place I should feel the free-est to express myself has been left blank. Sometimes out of a conscious choice not to let on about the haze, other times just out of survival. The need to just get through the day too strong to be creative. In this rare moment when inspiration strikes I find words spilling out of my brain faster than I can type. And it feels good. I hope it sticks around for a while. Perhaps I can make up for some lost time.  

Friday Figures

The scale says: 227 (-2 for the week, -2 total)

Exercise: I did the first week, 3 days, of Couch to 5K. If you are unaware of C25K it is a program that gets you from no exercise/running ability to running a 5K within 9 weeks. Alternating running and walking until you are able to run 30 minutes without needing to walk any.  I made it to the gym 3 times last week so I was happy about that.
Highs: The first day I thought I wouldn't be able to do it all. I was about 15 minutes into the 30 minute program and my legs started to feel like they were going to cramp up but I stuck with it and got it done. Day 2 seemed so easy that I increased my speed and did a little more running than program called for.
Low: My eating habits aren't as great as they need to be. Yesterday I made a pear crumble and lemon bars, I ate some of each.
Moral Victory of the Week: I have greatly decreased my soda intake and have started drinking a LOT more water and only occasionally did I actually crave a soda.




*** updated- was suppose to post on Friday but for some reason it blogger doesn't like me and it didn't post it as scheduled so I am posting today ***